NSPCP... Talk 'til it stops

Crash Gordon has told a committee looking at MP's' expenses the annual allowance could be replaced with aflat-rate payment for overnight stays



FULL STOP Week is part of Talk 'til it stops - the NSPCP's (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Politicians) latest drive urging people to help stop cruelty to politicians .

For just £200,000 a year you can stop politician cruelty now
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"red box"

A ministerial box, dispatch box or document box or informally, a "red box", is a red briefcase used in government to pass important documents from one department (or person) to another.

Government ministers use these on a daily basis, and it is regarded as a mark of prestige and high office.



So which Minister of state does the above red box belong?

Put you answer and reasoning in the comments please.

Got to admire the speed with which they knocked this one out…

I spend my lonely weeks in London
Working for Gordon Brown
And crash out on my sister’s floor
Just as the sun goes down
On Friday nights I head back home,
My second home that is,
To spend some time with my true love
And get some married bliss

Dick’s waiting for me in Redditch,
Get me there driver soon
I want to lie in his strong arms
And go into a swoon
I want to collect his DNA
For my own database
I want to open my bursting blouse
And thrust them in his face

On Friday night when I got home
My second home that is,
Dick said he was all shagged out
And just gave me a kiss
On that fateful Sunday morning,
I read it in the press
Dick’s been watching some dirty films
And got us in a mess

It seems he’s been paying five quid
For “Dirty Debutantes”
Despite what’s bursting from my blouse
It’s not me that he wants
No Tarantino, no Scorsese,
No Bergmann, no Kubrick
You can’t beat old J Arthur
Says naughty, naughty Dick

Now I’m the two homes secretary
And hold the highest rank
But Dick he isn’t that impressed
He’d rather have a wank
Another Monday morning dawns
I’m heading back to town
The saddest thing is that I’ll be
Working for Gordon Brown

Oh Dick! Oh Dick! You stupid prick
I don’t mind pay to view
But you claimed it on expenses
And gave the press their cue
Next Friday when I come back home
My second home that is
I’ll be expecting rather more
Than just a friendly kiss

hat tip a man from Castleford

Reichtag Moment

On Thursday, the Metropolitan police contacted a number of protest groups warning that the main day of G20 protest, will be Wednesday, 1 April and it would be "very violent", senior commanders have insisted that they are "up for it, and up to it", should there be any trouble.

David Howarth, a Liberal Democrat MP who is leading a parliamentary group of observers at the protests next week, said: "I am increasingly worried that what the police are saying about the protests will end up in a self-fulfilling prophecy. By talking up the prospect of violence they will put off peaceful demonstrators and start to attract other sorts."

Andrew Dismore MP, said police language in recent days had "not very helpful".

Read more here

or for a lesson from history here
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TAX-per-view

Jacqui Smith the Home Secretary is to pay back parliamentary allowances claimed for TAX-per-view Blue Movies
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King meets Queen

Caption Competition



Throughout her reign, the Queen had never held an audience with a governor of the Bank of England – untill yesterday

Trouble at' Mill

Mervyn King, the Bank of England Governor, has warned Gordon Brown that Britain can not afford a second economic stimulus.



Mervyn King threw caution to the wind as he sided with Alistair Darling against Downing Street in raising strong doubts over any prospect of another round of “significant fiscal expansion” next month.

Out of the mouth of babes

and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.

One of the advantages about being outside the EPP is that you get to speak on important occasions. Today was such an occasion. Gordon Brown was in Brussels in advance of the G20 summit. There were a couple of things Daniel Hannan wanted to tell him on behalf of his constituents:

What a coo....oops, coup
You wont see or read this on the EU financed and biased BBC.

Abandon Hope

The Health Service and Local Government Ombudsmen say, the NHS and social services in England are failing to meet the health needs of people with learning disabilities.

The standard of care was an "indictment of our society" after reviewing the deaths of six people.



In Mid Staffordshire last week we saw just how bad the NHS can get under Labour, this is yet another example of the continued failure of the health service.

No ifs, no buts

An inquiry into Tony McNulty, the Employment Minister, expenses should be launched by the Committee on Standards in Public Life.



The inquiry should be wide-ranging and cover the complete system of allowances that MPs can claim

Het kwantitatieve Verlichten

A Belgium newspaper, Het Laatste Nieuws, is reporting that Belgium is flooded with fake 200 euro notes.

Small businesses have been warned about the counterfeit money, which is almost impossible to detect. The paper says the false notes are undetectable using standard UV light tests and called the counterfeiting, "very professional".



It does make you wonder, what exactly have Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling been quantitatively easing.

Alarming

The Ernst & Young Item club forecasts that net borrowing will rise to £180bn in the forthcoming tax year and will exceed the chancellor's own prediction.

It said that "The public finances are continuing to deteriorate at an alarming rate and as the economy continues to shrink, the outlook is bleak,"


ITEM Club believes Alistair Darling should do what he can to support employment while also taking steps to support the UK's manufacturing base.

So, in summery..... Britain is running on empty and we need to save British jobs for British workers.

Darling Yields

According to a statement today, the Bank of England as part of its £75 billion-pound asset purchase plan will start to buy investment-grade corporate debt from March 25, in sizes of as much as 5 million pounds at auctions held four days a week,



The purchases will be part of the government’s so-called quantitative easing strategy (printing money). The Bank of England started buying commercial paper in February and government bonds last month, sending 10-year gilt yields to a record low.

All this on the same day that the Government posted its biggest budget deficit on record. Total borrowing for the 11 months of this fiscal year reached a record £75.2 billion - three times higher than at the same point in the previous year. Times

Wrong Region

While not exactly a film buff, Gordon Brown was touched when Barack Obama gave him a set of 25 classic American movies – including Psycho, starring Anthony Perkins on his recent visit to Washington.



Alas, when the PM settled down to begin watching them the other night, he found there was a problem.

The films only worked in DVD players made in North America and the words "wrong region" came up on his screen. (Telegraph)

Cryptic, tac toe

Professor Onestone's Reality maths

100 divided by 100 = 1?

You really have to challenge the orthodox here

You have 100% of fuck all and you divide it by 100% of fuck all, it equals fuck all

therefore

E=mc2

Where E = economy and mc = much cash under Gordon Brown (SQUARED (jonathan ross like) ) if your not,,,you should be..

The latest from the United Nations

A world wide survey was recently conducted by the UN.. The only question asked was:

'Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?'

The survey was a huge failure:

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.

In Russia they didn't know what 'honest' meant.

In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.

In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant.

In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.

And in the USA........... they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!

running on empty

Read the Runes

The Chief medical officer Professor Sir Liam Donaldson is expected to recommend state limits on the price of alcoholic drinks, meaning that none could be sold for less than 50 pence per unit of alcohol.

The proposal, from his annual report on the state of the nation's health, will say the stark measure is necessary to tackle the scourge of binge drinking among Britain's youth, and rising levels of alcoholism among older people.



The craft of making beer at home dates back thousands of years.

Calling all Chav's, Ned's and old age pensioners, if you can't or don't want to Home Brew, you can still get a high

Try drugs, they will soon be cheaper than Booze. (in fact they will be cheaper than bottled water).

EU Regulation (EC) No 551/2004

Nine Hawk jets came within a "short distance" of a BMI Baby Boeing 737 as they performed in poor weather conditions above Weston-super-Mare, Somerset, in August last year.



A report yesterday by the air safety board, Airprox, blamed the near-miss on air traffic controllers at Cardiff, who failed to tell colleagues at Bristol that the BMI Baby holiday flight was due to cross the Red Arrows' path.

More European Union anyone

Why is France now committing fully to NATO

How many shares in various arms companies has Nicolas Sarkozy bought in the past 12 months.

We will never know because they will have been purchased and processed by his secretive offshore bankers, BANK OF ENGLAND NOMINEES LIMITED

Conservative leader say's sorry

If David Cameron can say it for the current conservative party, will he say sorry on behalf of Chamberlain? Better still, as the European Union elections are imminent, will David Cameron say sorry for Edward Heaths treachery?

Or is it a global problem!........ so scratch the scrotum.

Comic Relief

aid does more harm than good in Africa

Just a casual question

Did the UK government use the anti terrorism laws to freeze Icelandic banks assets because of the potential losses of the shareholders of BANK OF ENGLAND NOMINEES LIMITED?

We need to know.

It's Prince2 Stupid

No, we are not referring to the Lord Mandelson here. However, it does fall under his departments remit.

It is being reported today that the National Audit Office say that the plans for a multi-million pound central database on offenders failed because of poor management and a lack of budget control.

Now come on ..... name any Government project in the past 20 years that has come in on time and to budget?

Why?

PRINCE2 (PRojects IN Controlled Environments) is a de facto standard used extensively by the UK Government.

I have been a project manager for over 30 years and in all that time, the only projects that I have worked on that have failed, been late or grossly overspent have been PRINCE driven

It's crap, to much emphasis on process rather than delivery.

How many project managers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, its quicker, cheaper and whole lot safer to do it yourself.

Scamelot

Yesterday saw the second reading of the postal bill that will, if passed, see the break-up of Royal Mail – with a large part of it sold to a private bidder.

Lord Mandelson opened proceedings in the Lords and denounced those who peddle "fiction" about this bill and the government's intentions for Royal Mail.



Many Labour MPs oppose it. Labour peer Lord Clarke, an ex-postman, said he would fight the bill "to the last".

But after hours of debate, in which the Conservatives and Lib Dems indicated they would support the bill at this stage, he withdrew his amendment to "kill off" the plans.

He said he had been in politics long enough to know he could not "possibly win a vote in this House tonight" - but pledged to continue campaigning against the Postal Services Bill, which will now go to committee stage for detailed examination.

Is quantative easing legal?

The Bill of Rights is quite clear: “That levying money for or to the use of the Crown by pretence of prerogative, without grant of Parliament, for longer time, or in other manner than the same is or shall be granted, is illegal”.

The English courts have held that a resolution of the executive or just one House of Parliament does not change the law.

Stockdale v. Hansard (1839), 9 A. & E. 1, and Bowles v. Bank of England (No. 2) [1913] 1 Ch. 57.
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The Druids Clock

Chaos at the climate conference

The modern pedophile

The word pedophile comes from the Greek paidophilia (παιδοφιλία): pais (παις, "child") and philia (φιλία, "love, friendship").

Gordon Brown loves your children..... they will pay for his legacy.

Commonwealth Day

The aim of commemorating Commonwealth Day is to promote understanding on global issues, international co-operation and the work of the Commonwealth to improve the lives of its 2 billion citizens.

I promise to pay the bearer

Who owns the Bank of England?

and who are the share holders of BANK OF ENGLAND NOMINEES LIMITED? (Ltd company no: 1307478)

Surely, if we are to adopt Gordon Browns moral banking system and in the interests of transparent banking, we should know?




I only ask…as it looks like the ‘conservative party’ may be asked to form the next Government.

Limitation Of Liability
Under no circumstances, including negligence, will the Conservative Party, or any affiliated company or person, be liable to you for any direct, indirect, incidental, special or consequential damages that result from your use or inability to use any Conservative Party service, including but not limited to reliance on any information provided by them; or that result from mistakes, ommissions, interruptions, deletion of files or e-mail, loss of or damage to data, errors, defects, viruses, spam or junk mail, delays in operation or transmission, or any failure of performance, whether or not limited to acts of God, communications failure, theft, destruction or unauthorized access to Conservative Party's information records, programs or services. The terms of this Section shall survive any termination of this agreement.

Conservative Party
2009

Saving Ass

The Guardian flags up an IMF report on how much of their GDP countries have spent on bailing out the banks .

It calculates that the UK has spent 19.8% of its GDP, topping the table of G20 countries.

The USA, where the investment bank Bear Stearns and the insurer AIG have both been rescued with public funds, has spent just 6.8% of its GDP. Only Norway has come close to the UK, spending 13.8%.”

And Gordon Brown still claims that Britain is uniquely well placed to weather the storm. The evidence is piling up that the reverse is true.

Who is taking extra?

Today the government has announced the taxpayers' share in Lloyds Banking Group will increase from 43% to 65%, giving it a controlling stake.



Last week Lloyds was forced to announced that HBOS made a pre-tax loss of £10.8bn in 2008, which it has had to absorb

It was the January takeover of HBOS - a move that was supported by the government - that has caused the problems at Lloyds.

sign of the times

A protester hurled a green liquid into the face of Lord Mandelson today before calmly walking away and evading arrest.

Mandelson emerged five minutes later and shrugged off the protest.


“She was so busy throwing what seemed like green soup or something in my face that she failed to tell me what the protest was about but, as you can see, thankfully it wasn’t paint and I’ve come through it intact.”

British Wheelbarrows for British workers

At noon today, the Bank of England announced that interests rates are being lowered again to 0.5%, the lowest since the bank was founded in 1694.



With its rate-cutting ammunition all but exhausted, the Bank of England pressed the button on a much more drastic policy, quantitative easing- also known as printing money.

Brown gets his photo-op

Cancelled Press Conference

Toby Harnden the Telegraphs US editor reports on the strange goings on surrounding the programme for the first day of Gordon Brown's visit to Washington.

Apparently President Obama is terribly busy this Tuesday and there will be no traditional press conference.



The White House schedule tells us that he is delivering remarks at the Department of Transportation to deliver remarks about the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act and is also speaking at the Department of Interior to mark its 160th anniversary. There's a conflab with Pentagon chief Bob Gates.

Oh, and Mr Obama will also meet "a delegation from the Boy Scouts of America and receive their 2008 Report to the Nation".
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Sam Beau

As the stock markets flop, Crash Gordon sets off to visit Uncle Sam in his Washington Cabin.

Gordon said: "He is doing similar things to what we are doing in Britain." I dare say they will discuss the fisting stimulus.



The picture?........Obama prepares to renew the 'special relationship'

I jest not........eat your heart out Rupert Murdoch.

Fred's Stuffed

As Daniel Hannan points out in his Telegraph blog: Harriet Harman wants a Bill of Attainder against Sir Fred Goodwin

A bill of attainder is an Act of Parliament for punishing a person without trial in the usual form.

Thus by a legislative act a person is put in the same position as if he had been convicted after a regular trial in a court of law.

And there is no appeal on human rights grounds

Section 6 of the Human Rights Act states It is unlawful for a public authority to act in a way which is incompatible with a Convention right.

BUT does not include either House of Parliament or a person exercising functions in connection with proceedings in Parliament.

So, citing Article 6 and Article 1 of the first protocol of the convention will not apply

"Pandora's box!"

Update:

This could be Fred's get out clause

Section 11 of the Human Rights Act 1998. states: A person's reliance on a Convention right does not restrict-any other right or freedom conferred on him by or under any law having effect in any part of the United Kingdom;

The saving grace. The Bill of Rights 1689

An Act of Attainder requires Royal Assent.

A Bill of Attainder is a pretended power of dispensing with laws or the execution of laws and the forfeiture of a legally granted pension is cruel and unusual punishment.

Perhaps Harriet Harman, being a QC, should read up on the case of Ashford v. Thornton which stood the principle that all law remains until it is repealed.

As Holt, CJ, said in Ashby v. White : "If the plaintiff has a right, he must of necessity have a means to vindicate and maintain it and a remedy if he is injured in the exercise or enjoyment of it; and indeed it is a vain thing to imagine a right without a remedy, for want of right and want of remedy are reciprocal."

Time for Sir Fred to Divorce his wife

If he loves her he can still live with her and remarry at a later date.

Harriet Harman (QC) has said former Royal Bank of Scotland (RBS) chief Sir Fred Goodwin should not "count on" keeping his full £650,000 a year pension.

"Sir Fred Goodwin should not count on being £650,000 a year better off because it is not going to happen," she told BBC One's Andrew Marr show.

The inference being that, Government will change the law.

Pension splitting

In December 2000 the law on pensions splitting was changed. Welfare Reform and Pensions Act 1999

On divorce, a spouse can now be entitled to half of the main breadwinner's pension. This applies to the tax-free lump sum as well.

This means that one spouse can lay immediate claim to a percentage of their partner's pension pot and move the money to another fund. They will no longer have to wait around for their partner to retire. This means that there can be a cleaner break in the divorce and it allows each partner more direct control over their finances. Pension schemes will have to make a cash transfer available so that the other spouse can start a new fund.

Oh, I just love the tangled webs we weave

Sisterhood!!!!!!!!

Post Haste

In all the coverage of a possible Labour revolt over Lord Mandelson’s plans to sell off a third of Royal Mail, everyone seems to have forgotten the report from Mandelson's own department last year explaining why our postal service is facing an unprecedented financial crisis.



The report made clear that the chief cause of Royal Mail’s huge losses was Britain’s keenness to comply with three EU postal services directives, designed to end national postal monopolies by 2010 and to promote “cross-border” integration of the EU’s postal services. Telegraph