Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Feel free to copy, there is no copyright on an Anoneumouse montage. (click on image to enlarge)

Nearer to Brugge than Zeebrugge

Having just discovered a free wifi link in Belgium, I can now report that I am presently sitting on the banks of the Brugge-Zeebrugge canal. I have my PC, a fishing rod and I am sipping at interesting 'Grimbergen' girlie beer.

As one does when fishing when one is alone in a strange country, I have pondered upon English political history.

For those that don't know about history ..... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the forests during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter..

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Socialists,

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminium drinking dispenser were invented yet, so while early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed..

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and who were less skilled in hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and carying, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Labour movement..

Some of these socialist men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Labour achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolised by the ‘tree of life’. Socialists are symbolized by the ‘girlie-rose’.

Modern Socialists like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Socialist fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note:.....most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists, dreamers in 'Britain's Got Talent' and group therapists are Socialists. Socialists invented the off-side rule because it wasn't fair to take advantage of aforethought.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, i.e. real ale. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, lorry drivers, forestry workers, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, nurses, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Socialists produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Socialists believe Europeans are more enlightened than Englishmen. That is why most of the UK Socialists want to be in Europe when most european Conservatives are coming to England.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:


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