The National Express

Education White Paper

1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A woodsman sells a lorry load of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A woodsman sells a lorry load of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A woodsman sells a lorry load of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A woodsman sells a lorry load of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2005
A woodsman cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the woodsman cuts down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.

6. Teaching Maths In 2009
A woodsman is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target. When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a leaving BBQ of squirrel and pheasant, and depart leaving behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the woodsman going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

Imoral compass

The Labour Party will keep voters in the dark about the government’s true spending plans for the next parliament. The chancellor has abandoned plans for a comprehensive spending review, which should have been held this year. The scrapping of the spending review means the public will have no idea of what Labour’s plans would mean for public services if the party were re-elected.



The Labour government have turned out to be liars and incompetents. All the talk of 'moral compass's', and 'values' mean nothing. ...

Building Brown's Future

The shelves of Whitehall groan under the weight of policy reviews which have been discarded and plans never enacted. Today, Gordon Brown is to launch his a new policy blueprint, Building Britain's Future, which will be added to their number.



Crash Gordon's main hope is that economic growth will see his political recovery. The upshot, however, is that the country is now in a severe fiscal crisis, the severity of which seems, from his public utterances, to have eluded him. In 2010 British public sector borrowing will reach £175 billion and we are in a fiscal hole that the Institute for Fiscal Studies has said is worse than the late 1970s.

Give A Little Whistle

Last week the prime minister was caught lying, he had told the House of Commons that infrastructure spending by the government would rise until the Olympics and only then fall back.

The truth, as pointed out by David Cameron from the Treasury’s own documents, is that such spending will peak this year and then fall each year, halving by 2013. The prime minister was dishonest and there is going to be a lot more of that over the next 12 months.



The Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling has successfully fought off an attempt by the prime minister to move him aside and he should use his new-found independence to be straight with voters. The public sector is bloated and inefficient. Voters are seeing cuts in the private sector and expect the state to trim its spending, too.

The chancellor should force other ministers to abandon the nonsense of “investment versus cuts” and have the courage to engage in honest debate. If Labour believes it can manage public services better through an era of fiscal austerity, it should make that case. Its current position is dishonest and untenable.
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Kings School Gutersloh 1967 1970

Get in touch, especially little Jenny with the big tits!

and Colin Chapman

2D to 3C

Anoneumouse@aol.com

Michael (lego) Jackson

Michael Jackson's family are going to donate his body to the LEGO company, with the intention that his body is melted down and turned into Lego bricks so that little boys can still play with him.

One rule for them and another for us

The government has published plans that could see MPs who flout expenses rules jailed for up to a year.

Fiddling expenses is fraud and theft. Why are MP's going to legislate a separate law which limits them to 1 Year in prison.

Theft as defind by the Theft act 1968 is: A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it; and ‘theft’ and ‘steal’shall be construed accordingly.

A person guilty of theft shall on conviction on indictment be liable to imprisonment for a
term not exceeding seven years.

The Bastards should be subject to the following like us the great unwashed

Theft (Amendment) Act 1996

Proceeds of Crime Act 2002

Fraud Act 2006

As for me, I am still in Belgium. Back on Thursday

Richard Packer MP

Who the fuck is Richard Packer?

10/- shillings

All because the socialists want to download child porn too!

Nearer to Brugge than Zeebrugge

Having just discovered a free wifi link in Belgium, I can now report that I am presently sitting on the banks of the Brugge-Zeebrugge canal. I have my PC, a fishing rod and I am sipping at interesting 'Grimbergen' girlie beer.

As one does when fishing when one is alone in a strange country, I have pondered upon English political history.

For those that don't know about history ..... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the forests during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter..

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Socialists,

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminium drinking dispenser were invented yet, so while early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed..

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and who were less skilled in hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and carying, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Labour movement..

Some of these socialist men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Labour achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolised by the ‘tree of life’. Socialists are symbolized by the ‘girlie-rose’.

Modern Socialists like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Socialist fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note:.....most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury lawyers, journalists, dreamers in 'Britain's Got Talent' and group therapists are Socialists. Socialists invented the off-side rule because it wasn't fair to take advantage of aforethought.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, i.e. real ale. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, lorry drivers, forestry workers, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, nurses, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Socialists produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Socialists believe Europeans are more enlightened than Englishmen. That is why most of the UK Socialists want to be in Europe when most european Conservatives are coming to England.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

How to satisfy a Barnsley Man

Generally speaking I am not homophobic but I really fear the Lord Mandelson. This raving puff is going to stiff us all, unless we take positive action and stiff him first.

If you understand that a constitutional government is rule by office-holders and that they rule citizens who are their equals, citizens who have a voice in electing them and a voice in the government which they administer, you see that constitutional government is government of, by, and for citizens. Such government is a government of free men and equals who rule and are ruled in turn. It is quite different from despotic government, in which those who are ruled have no voice in their own affairs. They are not ruled as equals, but by a "superior" man who rules them as "inferiors" even if he rules them benevolently and takes care of them.

Mandelson is not working in your or this Governments interest



When Mandelson became an unelcted commissioner of the European Union he swore a Solemn undertaking before the European Court of Justice, as follows:

“ Having been appointed as a member of the Commission of the European Communities by the Council of the European Union, after the vote of approval by the European Parliament, I do solemnly undertake: to be completely independent in the performance of my duties, in the general interest of the Communities; in the performance of these duties, neither to seek nor to take instructions from any government or from any other body; to refrain from any action incompatible with my duties.
I formally note the undertaking of each Member State to respect this principle and not to seek to influence members of the Commission in the performance of their tasks.

I further undertake to respect, both during and after my term of office, the obligations arising therefrom and in particular, the duty to behave with integrity and discretion as regards the acceptance after I have ceased to hold office of certain appointments or benefits.


Men of Barnsley, it's a Saturday night; it's backs against the wall stiff him befor he stiffs you.

The Crying Chipmunk

When a woman is being deepthroated and is *surprise* anally fisted

Urban Dictionary


Sorry, no cartoon

Percentage game two

Porky Akbar

Swine flu will kill more practicing Muslims than practicing Christians?

Discuss