Britain had Talent

Two British soldiers have been killed in an explosion in Afghanistan. One of the soldiers was from the Light Dragoons, the other from the Parachute Regiment.



The explosion took place while the soldiers were performing in Musa Qal'eh, in Helmand Province.

Do humans have the right to interfere with evolution?

Discuss!!

Little Jennifer

Little Jennifer looked up despairingly at her mother, tugging desperately at her mother's arm and interrupting her mid evening viewing of the now out of date Location, Location, Location and her own shattered dreams.

"Is that nice Mr Cameron going to save us all from the big nasty Mr Brown mummy?" she enquired,

Find out by clicking Here

Political Tourettes

"It's within the rules"

Backpfeifengesicht

It's a German word, I haven't got the time to explain, if you want the meaning just google it.



In the mean time I am reading up on the Vienna Convention on the Law of Treaties .
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The Political Stool

The June 2009 European Union elections:

All you need to know about the political parties.

The Concernedabit Party

Andrew MacKay’s future as an MP was in the balance yesterday after a stormy constituency meeting in which he faced repeated calls to resign. Mr MacKay said that he would put himself up for reselection by his local party at the next election.



That failed to satisfy many constituents.

kills all known germs

vote blue get green fingers

Bill Wiggin MP for Leominster

Bill Wiggin claimed £11,000 in phantom mortgage payments

Down the Tubes

The House of Commons is fucked.
The House of Lords is fucked
The Economy is fucked
The Country is fucked
And Pringles are potato crisps

Strike one

Speaker to walk on the 21st of June.

No doubt he will be getting a generous package of allowances to ease his transition back into the real world? Enter Lord Mick of Gorbals.

Ben Chapman MP for Wirral South

Ben Chapman, a Labour MP, admitted last night that he was allowed to continue claiming for interest payments on his entire mortgage after repaying £295,000 of the loan in 2002.
Over 10 months the arrangement allowed Mr Chapman to receive £15,000 for the part of the home loan which had been paid off. Last night, he said he would not give back the money.

a clean sheet

Fraser Kemp, a senior Labour election strategist, made repeat purchases of sheets over the space of several weeks.

How it's done

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken wall at a MP's house. One is from Carlisle, another is from Penrith, and the third is from Workington.

All three go with the parliamentary official to examine the fence.

The Penrith contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about £9000: £4000 for materials, £4000 for my crew and £1000 profit for me."

The Workington contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for £7000: £3000 for materials, £3000 for my crew and £1000 profit for me."

The Carlisle contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the MP and whispers, "£17,000."

The MP, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Carlisle contractor whispers back, Elliot Morley the Environment Minister has declared it flood damage "£5000 for me, £5000 for you, and we hire the guy from Workington to fix the wall."

"Done!" replies the MP.

Constituents react to expenses row

David Chaytor MP for Bury North

David Chaytor and the phantom £13,000 mortgage claim:

Letter to the Queen

TEMPLATE

Her Majesty The Queen,
Buckingham Palace,
London,
SW1A 1AA.

Your Majesty,

As a loyal subject, I am seriously concerned about the House of Commons, in relation to the scandal over Members of Parliament and their expenses. This has caused great upset and our democracy is in danger.

I am of the view that the Country needs a Parliament with a new mandate from your people.

May I respectfully request that you speak to the Prime Minister and suggest to him that because of the level of disgust within the Country, over the issue of expenses which involves all political parties, that Parliament should be dissolved and a general election called.


Yours sincerely.

Noose Flash

For the euro-elections UKIP have risen 12 points this week to 19%. A YouGov poll have the Tories on only 28%, Labour on 22%, LibDems on 19% and the BNP are on 4%.
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The Pork Parliament

What is needed now is the revenge of the Monarchy, for I do not believe Parliament's standing has been lower since Oliver Cromwell dismissed the Rump Parliament in April 1653.

Her Majesty should dissolve this Pork Parliament.



"The Prime Minister replaced the sovereign as actual head of the Executive when the choice of Prime Minister no longer lay with the sovereign; the sovereign lost the choice when strongly organised, disciplined parties came into existence and party discipline depends primarily on the degree to which the member depends on the party for his seat"
Sir Lewis Namier. Historian. (1952).

Recycling

Elliot Morley MP for Scunthorpe

Elliot Morley claimed £16,000 for mortgage that did not exist:

SORRY

The word sorry is not enough, we need to see some evidence of contrition, some real penitence and repentance.

SORRY

Wednesday Morning

The Prime Minister unveils anti-crime strategy

Gordon Brown said he wanted every police force in England and Wales to consider walking people the last mile home if they felt unsafe. (bbc)



Shadow minister James Brokenshire described such an idea as "absurd".

And as for stories today about SOCA’s impact on drug running, they should be treated with caution; the rising street price of cocaine probably has more to do with the weak pound than better enforcement.

Oder, Oder

And Another Thing

Last year we the taxpayers subsidised the drinking habit of troughing MPs to the tune of £5.5 million in the House of Commons bar.

It give a whole new meaning to the pub name PIG & WHISTLE.

Cretin 2009

Labour's popularity has slumped to its lowest level since polling began in 1943 amid a series of scandals and renewed speculation over Gordon Brown's leadership.

Research for the Mail on Sunday found the Labour party's support had dropped three points over the past month to just 23% - even lower than when Michael Foot was leader of the Labour party in the 1980s.

The dire position was reinforced by a separate YouGov poll for the Sunday Times, which suggested Labour's support had tumbled 7% to 27% - 16 points behind the Conservatives.

The news is likely to heighten anxiety among Labour MPs over whether Crash Gordon is the right man to lead them.

The Human Body

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

OXYMORON

I have just been asked, yet again, why I am not a member of the Libertarian Party.

4. MEMBERSHIP:- Membership of the Party shall be open to all persons:(a) who accept its Constitution;(e) whose membership is approved by the National Co-coordinating Committee, hereinafterreferred to as the "NCC".

FOR FUCK SAKE I am a libertarian

I DONT NEED TO ACCEPT ANY CONSTITUTION AND I CERTAINLY DONT NEED TO BE APPROVED BY ANYONE IF I WANT TO BE A LIBERTARIAN.

And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true.

Meanwhile: some MP's threaten legal action

The Westminster Pig Roast Continues

Read all about it Here

Institutional Suicide

Buy a gun, if this proves to be to difficult get yourself a replica or a toy one.

Call the police and tell them that you have seen someone with a gun holding someone hostage at.........

Remove the net curtains at your chosen location and then just walk in front of the window

Eat your heart out Dr Philip Nitschke

The New Appian Way

Keep Right on to the End of the Road

Ev'ry road thro' life is a long, long road,
Fill'd with joys and sorrows too,
As you journey on how your heart will yearn
For the things most dear to you.
With wealth and love 'tis so,
But onward we must go.

Chorus:

Keep right on to the end of the road,
Keep right on to the end,
Tho' the way be long, let your heart be strong,
Keep right on round the bend.
Tho' you're tired and weary still journey on,
Till you come to your happy abode,
Where all the love you've been dreaming of
Will be there at the end of the road.

With a big stout heart to a long steep hill,
We may get there with a smile,
With a good kind thought and an end in view,
We may cut short many a mile.
So let courage ev'ry day
Be your guiding star always.

Chorus:

Hat tip Sir Harry Lauder

"am I my brother's cleaner?”

According to the Telegraph, Gordon Brown paid his brother £6,000 for cleaning services.



Yep, Gordon Brown has certainly taken us all to the cleaners.

As Chancellor of the Exchequer and now Prime Minister, Gordon Brown has had grace and favour accommodation in Downing Street since 1997. So there is absolutely no justification for cleaning services at any other Westminster accommodation.

The DNA of corruption is clearly visable here

Labour pledges

On the 11 February 2005 in south London, the then Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown launched a key economic pledge for a third term in office. Crash Gordon said: "I believe that a Labour Government is the only government that can be trusted with the British economy."

Tony Blair who was with him said: "We'll make sure that the British people get the economy that we need and also that we equip them for that economy in the 21st century."

So there you go.... you are probably struggling to pay your bills but you now have a Labour 21st century economy.

For more of the same.....Vote Labour

The 2005 six pledges:



1. Your family better off (every family owes £50000 to the national debt)
2. Your family treated better and faster (34000 NHS deaths)
3. Your child achieving more (SAT test fiasco)
4. Your country's borders protected (77 Chinese children have gone missing)
5. Your community safer (4 per cent increase in burglaries)
6. Your children with the best start (£17000 in debt)

Sign of time

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Gordon Brown's?" asked the man.

"Gordon's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Hat tip (a man from Castleford)

At the end of the day

Institutional Dishonesty

The spin the lies and corruption of this Labour Government have turned what used to be a dishonourable profession into the profession for the dishonourable.

Anoneumouse

Justification for Honour Killing

Has Baroness Uddin brought shame onto Spitalsfield Housing Association or her family members who serve on it?

Ala Uddin - Vice-Chair
Faruque Uddin - Housing Officer
Abdus Uddin - Assistant Maintenance Officer

A whole new perspective on Honour Killing

David Cameron Backs Gordon Brown

In an interview on the World at One, Kenneth Clarke, the shadow business secretary, said the Conservatives would not withdraw support from the Royal Mail Bill.

Asked if the Tories would guarantee to back the government, he said: "Of course. We have made this clear from the word go. We think something of this kind should have been done many years ago. We will carry on voting for it."



Today David Cameron urged voters to give the 'useless and spineless' Government a message it will never forget at next month's elections. He claimed it was a 'tragedy' voters had to wait a year before getting rid of Labour.

Cameron also said. 'With every Conservative vote, the message will be simple: Enough is enough. You're the past. With every day that passes, this Government is running our country into the ground. Borrowing eye-watering amounts of money, presiding over social decline, letting our politics descend into the quagmire.

OK Dave, having regard to the Treaty establishing the European Community, and in particular Article 47(2), Articles 55 and 95 thereof, Having regard to the proposal from the Commission, Having regard to the opinion of the European Economic and Social Committee (1), Having regard to the opinion of the Committee of the Regions (2), Acting in accordance with the procedure laid down in Article 251 of the Treaty (3), Whereas:(1) The Council in its Resolution of 7 February 1994 on the development of Community Postal Services (4) identified as one of the main objectives of Community postal policy the reconciling of the gradual, controlled opening to competition of the postal market with a sustainable guarantee of the provision of the universal service.

Just where do you stand on the European Union Directive 2008/6/EC and the Royal Mail quagmire .

With whom has Harman made a Granita pact?

This list shows a list of the Labour MPs who are members of TGWU.

Nick Ainger
Graham Allen
Vera Baird
Ed Balls
Gordon Banks
Margaret Beckett
Clive Betts
Hazel Blears
Gordon Brown
Richard Burden
Andy Burnham
David Chaytor
Ann Clwyd
Michael Connarty
Yvette Cooper
Jon Cruddas
Brian Donohoe
Clive Efford
Jeff Ennis
Frank Field
Robert Flello
Mike Gapes
Nigel Griffiths
Harriet Harman
Meg Hillier
Margaret Hodge
Sharon Hodgson
Geoff Hoon
Joan Humble
Adam Ingram
Diana Johnson
Martyn Jones
Eric Joyce
Mark Lazarowicz
Andrew MacKinlay
Rob Marris
Kerry McCarthy
Ian McCartney
Pat McFadden
Ed Miliband
Julie Morgan
Paul Murphy
Sandra Osborne
Ian Pearson
Gordon Prentice
Ken Purchase
Joan Ruddock
Jim Sheridan
Peter Soulsby
Ian Stewart
Gavin Strang
Emily Thornberry
Claire Ward
Malcolm Wicks
Rosie Winterton

Just Another Bank Holiday

A growing number of Labour MPs believe Charles Clarke will mount a stalking donkey-style leadership bid later this year that would pave the way for a more credible challenge from Health Secretary Alan Johnston, Foreign Secretary David Miliband, Duputy Labour Leader Harriet Harman or even Justice Secretary Jack Straw.



Tom Pearse, Tom Pearse, lend me your Donkey
All along, down along, out along lee
For I want for to go to Downing street Fair

Refrain:
With Harriet Harman, Alan Johnson, David Miliband
Jack Straw, Tom Harris, Jon Cruddas
Old Uncle Tom Cobleigh and all
Old Uncle Tom Cobleigh and all.

Sleazy Jet

According to the News of the World. David Miliband wants a private jet and a spare on standby, despite the fact that he could fly commercial for a fraction of the price.

reacting to headlines

Voices from within the Labour party have cast more doubt on Gordon Brown's authority and some have gone as far as predicting certain defeat at the next General Election.



One said: "We can still turn this round but Gordon is not listening. He is lashing out and reacting to headlines. It's all so reminiscent of the last months of John Major."

Another said: "We are giving the impression that we have lost control of our own side. We have to get a grip, give him better advice, otherwise there will be more talk of leadership challenges, which is the last thing we want."

Tom Harris, MP (A Jockey waiting to ride the stalking horse) said things were "as bad as they've ever been".

UPDATE: The House of Commons is censoring details of expense claims.

UPDATE: The Mail on Sunday reports that Peter Mandelson had to calm Gordon Brown down after he lost his temper following TV interviews during the week and that Charles Clarke is calling for Ed Balls and Tom Watson to be sacked.

UPDATE: The Sunday Times reports that Labour Peer Baroness Uddin has claimed £100,000 for a flat which is empty.

It's all kciking off. Who will be brave enough to stand as the 'stalking donkey'
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MRSA 37000 - Swine flu 0

And no COBRA meetings.
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In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king?

David Blunkett emerges from his Sheffield closet and tells Guardian readers that Gordon Brown must "draw a line in the sand"



On the BBC radio 4 Today program this morning, Blunkett says Crash Gordon needs to take "Visionary Action"
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