Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since secondary school. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.
Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualised kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.
Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine.
Jan explains that after leaving school and graduating from Newnham College Cambridge, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy practices law for Schillings, they live in a 4000 sq ft apartment in Dockside, where Susan, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Bourton-on-the-Water, Gloucestershire.
Sue relates that after leaving school, she graduated from St Hilda's College, Oxford and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading City investment banker. They live in Surbiton and have a second home in Naples.
Mary explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Jim. They run a tropical bird park in the outskirts of Luton and grow their own vegetables. Jim can stand five parrots, side by side, on his dick.
Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really an accountant at Asda. They live in a small flat in Whitchapple and have a caravan parked at Hoo St Werburgh.
Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Guilford and take camping holidays in Bognor Regis.
Mary says that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.