What Lindsay Roy can do for Glenrothes

Hat tip Waking Hereward

Lindsay Roy is under the impression that he can actually do something for the people who he hopes will elect him to a nice comfy leather seat at Westminster...

This taken from the Scottish Labour web site...

Lindsay Roy says:
“My Action Plan for Fife will help people here with their own lives".

A summary of Lindsay’s Action Plan for Fife

Crack down on anti-social behaviour
Visible policing, zero tolerance to drugs, action on underage drinking.
REALITY: Devolved issues – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

A citizens’ panel to decide where new CCTV should go.
REALITY: Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Fight for more opportunities for young people
More sports and recreation facilities for Fife , including public consultation with young people to decide where new pitches should go.
REALITY: Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Campaign against Fife Council privatising golf courses and convene an urgent meeting with top cinema chiefs to start bringing a new cinema to central Fife.
REALITY: FORE!! Really, really irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Sort out the roads and buses
Support dualling and upgrading the A92.
REALITY: Yawn – guess what? Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.
(However, if you wanna mess with an English A road, then fill your boots!)

Demand a clear timetable and funding plan for the Forth Road Bridge that the SNP have delayed.
REALITY: Don’t bother mate, they won’t take any notice of you as this is a devolved issue and therefore has bugger all to do with the likes of you!
(Mind you, English road tolls have bugger all to do with as well - but it won't stop you voting on them at Westminster, will it?)

Give powers back to Fifers so local people can make decisions about their buses.
REALITY: Sorry, yet again you no can do – bus stuff is a devolved issue).
(How about giving power to Englishers?)

Help Fife families through tough times
Benefit “check-ups” to ensure pensioners get the benefits they deserve – including the new, free insulation.
REALITY: Oy, nosey! You can’t do anything about this - again! Nowt to do with you old Son as it is a de-bleeding-volved bleeding-issue, geddit?
(But what about English pensioners, Lindsay? They don't get any of those nice, juicy benefits, including free insulation, do they).

Outlaw overcharging people on pre-pay meters and fight the SNP local income tax.
REALITY: Lindsay, mate - fighting the SNP over their local income tax can only be done in the place where they are producing the legislation. And that ain’t in Westminster!(HA ha.... You should see what we are charged down here Lindsay!)

Oppose greedy oil bosses who keep petrol costs high.
REALITY: Hal-ay-bleeding-leuauh!!! Who’d have thought it! Finally, finally on Lindsey’s action plan, SOMETHING that actually concerns him!...... But as oil prices are set at an international price, and as HM government takes over 70% in tax from the selling price, and as both Brown and Darling have said they cannot touch the oil companies, I don’t think there is much chance of anyone taking any notice of Lindsay... Will they?

Our tip: Lindsay baby, if you want to actually do something, actually try to effect any of those items on your ‘action plan’, we reckon you should try and get elected to the Scottish Parliament..... but who knows, maybe you’d rather be content with doing bugger all at Westminster?

Hat tip Waking Hereward