Welcome to road charging (car of the future)

Car: where would you like to go. 'Enter destination' or 'post code'

Driver: 'Bournemouth'

Car: 'Business or Pleasure'

Driver: 'Business'

Car: The best time to travel will be 6 pm, stopping for one hour at Channock Richard service station. and refuelling at Oxford after the Blue Ford reg YFI 654 BINGO. Cost of road access EUR 95. Press 'Y' to accept 'N'' for decline.

Driver: presses 'Y'

Car: Please insert your National ID card

Driver: inserts ID card

Car: According to your NHS Records you are currently taking cough medicine, your last scheduled dosage was 1 hour ago. Journey Authorisation Declined. Would you like us to recalculate. Press 'Y' yes, 'N' no

Driver: 'Y'

Car: Based on your Medication, the best time to make the journey is 3 AM, Stopping for 1 hr at Knutsford Service area, Refuelling at Oxford after the Pink Honda reg YFI 123 LOTTERY (note 10 mins refuel time only) cost of road access EUR 118. Y' to accept 'N'' for decline.

Driver: 'Y'

Car: According to your Bank Account Records your spouse has just purchased a pair of shoes. You have insufficient funds to make this journey. Journey Authorisation Declined. would you like us to arrange a bank loan. Press 'Y" yes, 'N' no.

Driver: 'Y'

Car: According to our Records, this is not possible at this time, you have reached your loan on disposable income limit, Would you like us to sell your Laptop on EBay. Press 'Y' yes, 'N' no

Driver: 'Y'

Car: We are about to list your Laptop s/no 23456543, would you like us to format the disk before the sale (+ EUR 10) Press 'Y" yes, 'N' no.

Driver: 'N'

Car: Can we remind you that you have one authorised pornography picture of you and your spouse and a letter to your authorised mistress on the PC, are you sure you don't want us to erase this information. Press 'Y' yes, 'N' no

Driver: 'Y'

Car: We have deleted those files and your PC is now listed (+ EUR 10)

Car: The sale was successful, your PC sold for EUR 130, you can now proceed. Press 'Y" yes, 'N' no

Driver: 'Y'

Car: The sale of your laptop has increased your gross annual personal income, you now have to pay 60% tax on future income.

Car: Have a nice day and thank you for contributing to EU funds
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